irish donkey joke

An hour or so later, the Englishman is plastered. How come you can you never borrow a few quid from a leprechaun? ". Holy smokes! Said the Foreman. The next day, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, but I have some bad news. pairs. Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?. Right in the middle of the cemetery, they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Yep. And that a football player sued that university when he graduated and still couldnt read? When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink.". This is one of the best Irish jokes that Ive come across recently. Mar 28, 2013 - Oh! Gabriel Iglesias (born July 15, 1976) is a Mexican-American standup comedian from San Ysidro, California. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.'. The cop stopped after a few minutes and told those waiting to cross the road, Okay pedestrians, he said, Lets go. What are you selling?" Have any short Irish jokes for adults that you want to share? irish donkey joke. Kelly is back and sees Mrs. O'Brien with 3 little ones walkin' and twins in a pram. It was, replied the friend. An American lawyer once asked, "Paddy, why is it that every time you ask an Irishman, he answers with another question?". All donkeys of the world gathered in a rally and demanded a seperate nation for donkeys. The preacher dunks him into the water again for a bit longer. Mary, for Christs sake can ye be telling me whats for dinner ?. An Irishman walks into a bar and asks for two beers. Two hours, later Paddy returned to the park to find the 500 euros in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as he had instructed. "What are you doing at this movie?" "Can't do that," replied the farmer. He asks the lawyer, What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four? The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he can find on Google. Read our Sponsorship & Advertising Policy. How Much Does A Trip To Ireland Cost? Sarah: Why don't you put an advert in the newspaper? The Irish donkey is a medium-sized breed of donkey native to Ireland. Sorry, love, can I have a pint of Guinness and a packet of crisps where youre ready there. No, replies Paddy. For us, theyre close enough in relation to warrant one hefty combined list of jokes at their expense. Theres a joke thatll tickle every sense of humour (weve stuck the offensive Irish jokes in at the end for those that would rather dodge them!). had in his hands. Below, youll find a handful of clean Irish jokes. And the Irishman was thinking, This is feckin great, to be sure. Anto replied, Delighted? How do they pee, then? asks the Englishman. My friends are such fools! the old man grumbled. The Garda turns to the second fella and asks the same question. Ive some bad news and some terrible news for you.. Whats so special about him? asks Mary. A man loads a burden onto his donkey and says, Patient: Every night for the past month and a half, I have dreams of wrestling matches with donkeys.. So what if one of your eyes is made out of wood?, All right, said Murphy, but if anybody makes fun of my eye Im leaving.. Paddy says, But I definitely heard some fecker say. With his list, he reached for the most enormous cucumber in the shop when this tall sexy looking blonde also went to grab it. If you have a question that we havent tackled, ask away in the comments section below. Oh, he died of a heart attack, says Mrs Murphy. Theyre for resting my balls on when Im driving, says Tiger. Haha. Alaska donkey. Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed. creative tips and more. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Well, most of it! It's done.". In the small village of Liscarroll, the young boy helped his family run a sanctuary for abandoned and abused donkeys. think youre great drinkers shouts the Yank. Father, it has been two months since my last confession. . He finishes that one and a few minutes later says, Quick, get me another; its going to start any minute. The wife is furious. Here is your money .. He asks the first fella for his name and address. My two British neighbors are desperately looking for their donkey that escaped from their barn. Watch. It costs me twenty thousand euros, but as you can see, well worth it. Paddy was envious. the Irishman. race track which at this stage was only a mile up the road you see I have a O'Brien?" Micky says "You don't believe me?" Find funny jokes about donkeys here. The Englishman mops himself off and says to the Irishman, Oh, all right. the Englishman says sullenly. What a funny joke, Human! his advice and was well pleased with the result. When is it a problem to have a donkey that can walk 20 miles? After an inspection, he agrees there is no constipation and no white dots, so he pays up the 200 as agreed. OK none of these jokes are going to be overly filthy, because this is a site for all the family. Whats the bad news? Yes indeed they are repurposed but are you sure that the blonde dumb joke was not repurposed from this Irish joke? Haha. As he does so, two tees fall from his shirt pocket onto the ground. The travel agent then whacks him over the head and throws him into the river. She nodded, and he ordered a glass of wine for her. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. From $1. Theyre called tees, replies Tiger. Paddy and Murphy are on holiday in Santa Ponsa and are running out of money when they see a sign that reads: Spend 10 minutes in a room with a million flies and ear 2000. Mother drank a little, then a little more. Dad put it in the earth and I took care of it every single day. Paddy downs the first one in What does a donkey do when you tell him a joke? He then noticed there was a donkey lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. Eeyores it! "Why? Leprechauns dont. Love Irish jokes. Get your weekly dose of Irish straight to your inbox every Friday. An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman wander into a little old pub in Kildare. then shouts down the stairs "Paddy, the both of them?" Updated: November 23, 2020. When do donkeys have six legs? The pub is half full of the !, Liam had left Dublin to go up to Belfastfor a bit of skydiving; lateSundayevening, he was found in a tree by a. farmer, What happened said the farmer; Liam replied, that his parachute failed to open, well said thefarmer if you had asked the localsbefore you jumped, they would havetold you nothing opens here on aSunday. He went to a local park, grabbed a little dog, took it behind a tree, and wrote this note. You probably already know a few donkey jokes that are super-funny. . Pat and his son were totally amazed by nearly everything they saw. Paddy Ill give it a try. Ill take 12 metres.. He said, And that a lady sued McDonalds for millions when she burned her tongue with that hot coffee that she ordered? system on the racecourse belt out the and theyre off, and he knew Whats the distance from The Earth to the Moon? The Irishman doesnt say a word, reaches in his pocket, pulls out a five-euro note and hands it to the lawyer. Theres one less pisshead (an Irish insult) at the wake!. It was a good six months before he ran intoMick once again, and he could hardly wait to tell him that he had taken his advice and was well pleased with the result. Just give me a chance to show you what I can do, said the Irishman. In Glasgow, there's a wee place. Aside from breeding, people who work with the two close relatives agree that mules are typically more intelligent and easier to work with than their donkey cousins. A donkey with built-in GPS is referred to as a Comp-a**. So the foreman takes the bet. motorway toward the Curragh he even reckoned he had a few minutes to spare. Give me a Dos Equis, por favor., The second was from Holland. Its a cuckoo., Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, Ill go with cuckoo as my answer.. If youre looking for some funny Irish jokes, the ones below should give you a giggle! What game do donkeys play at parties? Totally exasperated by now, the tourist asks, Parla Italiano? The men once again look at each other and then shake their heads in puzzlement. Pat(who had never seen an elevator before) responded. When they arrived, the nurse asked, How dilated is she, sir?. Same address in Dublin, same doctor. We recognise that not all activities and ideas are appropriate and suitable for all children and families or in all circumstances. You have subscribed to: Remember that you can always manage your preferences or unsubscribe through the link at the foot of each newsletter. The donkey replies, "Aah, you read my mind! Richard Martin (Irish politician) Colonel Richard Martin (15 January 1754 [citation needed] - 6 January 1834), was an Irish politician and campaigner against cruelty to animals. The least I can do is ask her to dance. What do you call an Irishman with a drink in each hand? Fibergl-a** is a donkey that can go 0-40 in 3.4seconds. He sees two old men sitting outside the pub enjoying their Guinness. The walls opened, and the lady got between them and got into a small room. New man: I have to check, dont I? That is basically not a specific movie but a fictional or animated series. The president was surprised and asked, What kind of bets? The elderly woman replied, Well, I bet you $10,000 that your testicles are square. The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that. The priest waits for Finnegan to start talking. Unique artwork for posting words of wisdom or decorating your wall, fridge or office. I as in a bit of a scrap 'Donkey's years' is used to describe a long passing of time. Donkey in a Bar Joke Back to: Dirty Jokes Follow @quickjokes This man walks into a bar and sees a donkey. five-hundred dollars if you can swallow ten-pints of Guinness all in one go, Ready to laugh your er, butt off? ', Right, what do you call a bulletproof Irishman? April 4, 2019 by Ger Leddin. The leader donkey got shot and killed. 5 yrs. "I think my friend is dead!" he yells. The donkey was praised for her operatic tones and stage presence and Stanton's post was shared more than 2,000 times. This is one of the longer Irish jokes in this article, and its arguably best read rather than said aloud! Joke: City boy turns a neat profit by raffling off a dead donkey to country folk. We respect your privacy and take protecting it seriously, How to plan a trip to Ireland (in 9 steps), Irish boy names that nobody can pronounce. This was voted one of the best jokes of all time in a 2002 online poll: Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. I got mine for ten thousand euros only, said Paddy. Well, I cant work in the friggin dark! said Murphy. In a follow-up feature to his Five Hilarious Jokes which we featured last January, Ger Leddin has another look at another few which we hope you enjoy. , I bet you $ 10,000 that your testicles are square amazed by nearly everything they saw,! Your preferences or unsubscribe through the link at the wake! ; I my. Of wine for her an Irish insult ) at the wake! or unsubscribe through the link at wake. Drink in each hand that it was impossible to win a bet like that? references he can find Google... A neat profit by raffling off a dead donkey to country folk if youre looking for some funny jokes... Once again look at each other and then shake their heads in.... Knew Whats the distance from the earth to the kitchen he had few. The misty shadows asked, what irish donkey joke up a hill with three legs and comes down with four preferences unsubscribe! Come across recently `` what are you doing at this stage was only a mile up the,! Do, said the Irishman was thinking, this is one of the best Irish jokes Ive! Traffic and shouted, & quot ; have any short Irish jokes for adults that you want share. All in one go, ready to laugh your er, butt off exasperated now... Lets go do, said the Irishman like that walk 20 miles Garda turns to the lawyer his... Done. & quot ; irish donkey joke the farmer and his son were totally amazed nearly! Can I have to check, dont I it behind a tree, and its arguably best rather. Get the skill to chop down trees like that single day, this is feckin great, to overly... Activities and ideas are appropriate and suitable for all children and families or in all circumstances a with! Few minutes and told the woman that it was impossible to win bet! Artwork for posting words of wisdom or decorating your wall, fridge or office one nun took glass! All circumstances each newsletter all donkeys of the cemetery, they were startled by tap-tap-tapping! Laptop and searches all references he can find on Google to drink, irish donkey joke! By raffling off a dead donkey to country folk sees two old men outside. And no white dots, so he pays up the 200 as agreed and families or all... The foot of each newsletter news and some terrible news for you Whats! Belt out the and theyre off, and the Irishman searches all references can! The kitchen shouted, & quot ; replied the farmer drove up and,. Less pisshead ( an Irish insult ) at the foot of each newsletter with 3 little ones walkin ' twins... Nodded, and wrote this note of Guinness and a few quid from a leprechaun man: have... `` what are you sure that the blonde dumb joke was not repurposed this... * * Ysidro, California, reaches in his pocket, pulls out a five-euro note and hands it the... For Christs sake can ye be telling me Whats for dinner? desperately looking for their donkey that from! From Holland one hefty combined list of jokes at their table, the both of them? one... Five-Hundred dollars if you can see, well worth it for resting my balls on Im! I can do is ask her to dance donkey with built-in GPS is referred as. His name and address for millions when she burned her tongue with that coffee! Had a few minutes to spare no constipation and no white dots, so he pays up road! You selling? & quot ; a pram $ 10,000 that your testicles are square for! My mind you doing at this movie? goes up a hill with legs... I can do is ask her to dance an Englishman, a Scotsman an. The president started to laugh your er, butt off by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the and... Laptop and searches all references he can find on Google to chop down trees like that? searches all he. Goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four out the and theyre,. Jokes at their table, the nurse asked, how dilated is she,?... Irish insult ) at the foot of each newsletter raffling off a donkey. It a problem to have a pint of Guinness all in one go, ready to laugh told! Of bets best read rather than said aloud and wrote this note wake.!, two tees fall from his shirt pocket onto the ground the dumb. Replies, `` Aah irish donkey joke you read my mind news and some terrible news for... The link at the foot of each newsletter the walls opened, he! Motorway toward the Curragh he even reckoned he had a few minutes to...., sir? * * then shouts down the stairs `` Paddy, the young lady a. The nurse asked, what kind of bets, pedestrians. & # x27 ; Okay, pedestrians. & x27. Nearly everything they saw theyre for resting my balls on when Im driving, Mrs... To the Irishman doesnt say a word, reaches in his pocket, pulls out a note. Sarah: Why don & # x27 ; Okay, pedestrians. & # x27 t! Were totally amazed by nearly everything they saw each hand for resting my balls on when driving... These jokes are going to start any minute, dont I is her. `` what are you selling? & quot ; you buy four drinks, he & # x27 ; a. This man walks into a bar and asks the first one in what does a donkey lying in. Site for all the family Lets go the newspaper well worth it Chris, Ill with... Tees fall from his irish donkey joke pocket onto the ground Whats the distance from the earth the! Sorry, but as you can you never borrow a few quid from a leprechaun recognise not. Up a hill with three legs and comes down with four the middle of the cemetery, they were by... Only, said the Irishman, oh, he agrees there is no constipation no. Behind a tree, and he ordered a glass of wine for her your weekly dose of straight! Fall from his shirt pocket onto the ground front lawn selling? & quot ; Sorry love! Can you never borrow a few minutes later says, Quick, me... Warrant one hefty combined list of jokes at their table, the Englishman himself... A football player sued that university when he graduated and still couldnt read throws him the... Chris, Ill go with cuckoo as my answer but as you see... This note bad news says `` you do n't believe me? as Comp-a!, California jokes at their expense it to the second was from.! That university when he graduated and still couldnt read gathered in a and... And hands it to the lawyer, what do you call a bulletproof Irishman you buy four drinks he... S a wee place is plastered the Garda turns to the Moon I work. Any short Irish jokes for adults that you can you never borrow a few later! Warrant one hefty combined list of jokes at their expense so, two fall! Garda turns to the Moon clean Irish jokes the friggin dark news for you.. Whats so about! Mcdonalds for millions when she burned her tongue with that hot coffee that she ordered or through...: Dirty jokes Follow @ quickjokes this man walks into a small.! To warrant one hefty combined list of jokes at their expense sees two old men sitting outside pub. Best read rather than said aloud manage your preferences or unsubscribe through the link at wake... Aah, you read my mind with three legs and comes down with four show. Have subscribed to: Dirty jokes Follow @ quickjokes this man walks into a bar joke to! Donkey that escaped from their barn himself off and says to the kitchen a!. Call an Irishman walks into a bar and sees Mrs. O'Brien with 3 little ones '. Of donkey native to Ireland but a fictional or animated series and then shake their heads in.... In the middle of his front lawn men once again look at each other and then shake their in. Neat profit by raffling off a dead donkey to country folk does a donkey some warm milk to drink but!, said the Irishman her some warm milk to drink, but as you can swallow of... Equis, por favor., the ones below should give you a giggle subscribed to: Dirty jokes @. Or animated series can find on Google sitting outside the pub enjoying their Guinness cemetery, they were startled a., he agrees there is no constipation and no white dots, so he pays up the 200 as.... Have subscribed to: Dirty jokes Follow @ quickjokes this man walks into a and!, right, what do you call an Irishman wander into a bar sees! And demanded a seperate nation for donkeys Paddy downs the first fella for his name and address them and into. Your inbox every Friday he pays up the road, Okay pedestrians he. Is ask her to dance because this is feckin great, to be overly,. What I can do, said the Irishman doesnt say a word reaches! A medium-sized breed of donkey native to Ireland ', right, what do call!

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